A Note on Body Confidence

I\’ve been in my house the past few days waiting for Tropical Storm to pass through. It was two days of me just trying to kill time, and it left me feeling antsy and stuck in my head.

Full transparency here, I\’ve gained a few pounds the past few weeks while  I\’ve been home and less active and it\’s got me feeling a little insecure. Yesterday, I also did a little swimsuit shopping, which only increased the anxious thoughts surrounding my body. With all these thoughts about my body swarming through my head, all those horrible things that people have told me kept creeping in my head:

\”You\’re so boring.\” – I\’ve been told this many times actually. \”I\’m going to call you \’guinea pig\’ because they\’re short and fat just like you.\” – I was 10 years old and maybe 95 pounds at the time… \”You kind of look like a soggy, wet noodle.\” \”oh my god! Cover up! You look like a porn star, geez.\” – I hadn\’t put on my swim shirt so I could make sure I got sunscreen everywhere first. \”Honestly, Jac, your features are pretty plain, so it\’ll never be easy for you to stand out.\” – This may be kind of true, but at the time it kind of hurt. Also, at least I know I\’ll be able to hide in a crowd?

Now, I just want to be clear, I\’m not sharing these for your pity. But as a laid in bed last night, it was all I could think about until I forced myself to think of every mean thing on purpose. I\’m not going to lie – it hurt. But eventually I reached a point where I couldn\’t think of anything else. So I widened the search parameters within my head to think of any comment anyone has ever made about my physical appearance and I started to think of all the kind words that people have said to me. All the times that strangers stopped me to say something kind or compliments I\’ve received from schoolmates and family members and even the kind comments I get on instagram. Because at the end of the day, we all have bad days, we all have insecurities, and sometimes we say things that we regret or just don\’t come out the right way.

I forgive these people, and while I still remember the emotions tied to these comments, I\’ve allowed them to shape me for better. It\’s made me think more carefully about the words that come out of my mouth. And they\’ve taught me to let go of those comments and really remember the positive ones instead.

This morning I woke up feeling much better. As I put on my clothes in front of my mirror, I felt better about the body I was dressing. I appreciated it more. I appreciated every breath, because at the end of the day that\’s what we should be doing. We should be thanking and appreciating our bodies for what they are capable of.

Much Love, 

Jacquelyn