You Only Know What I Want You To

I think one of the hardest things for me is opening up. (That and relaxing, accepting, calming down, etc.). Today was a rough day, I\’m not going to lie, but while my friends wanted to know why I was so upset, I couldn\’t tell them the whole truth because some of them just wouldn\’t understand.

I keep my emotions bottled up, but when the bottle gets full their now way to prevent the unwanted tears from streaming down my cheeks. Naturally when you see someone crying, a first instinct is to hold them. While that would be wonderful, I hate crying in front of people. In fact a hug just makes me cry even more, partly because the vulnerability.

Earlier today, before I started crying, I turn to my dear friend and said, \”Sometimes I just wish that someone would hold me close…\” I am just a closed off, secretive person and don\’t trust maybe as easily as I should. I guess part of this extra vulnerability is that I am going to be missing school for a couple of days and trying to get in early assignments and get my makeup work together is incredibly stressful. Just in general I am a very stressed out person.

But despite all of this, I must say it has been a pretty relaxing week. Nothing too exciting. Nothing impossible. Not too much drama. Well… too much – I didn\’t say there was none. But I had some time to think; some time to think about things that I want to address on this blog. Certain topics that are close to my heart. 

With Love, Jacquelyn

p.s. I know I look dreadfully awkward in that picture – I\’m sorry